The sheer ridiculousness of a journey this week from North Carolina to Manchester seemed worthy of a quick blog.
Work commitments required me to spend a couple of days in Washington DC before heading down to Raleigh, North Carolina.
Despite having my wallet stolen on the first night of the trip, the week was a productive and enjoyable one. By Friday I was sorry to be leaving the US and hoped the journey home would be smooth. Yeah….
My flight from Raleigh to Newark (for a 7:30pm connection to Manchester) was due to leave at 5pm. After arriving at the airport for 3pm United Airlines informed me that I had been put on the 4pm flight instead. After a long wait on the tarmac the pilot announced that the plane was broken but that he would try turning it off and then on again. He must have previously worked in IT. It didn’t work. The passengers were told to ‘de-plane’.
Meanwhile the 5pm flight (that I did not ask to be moved from) was now ‘sold out’. An angry exchange ensued and miraculously a seat was found for me. However, my suitcase was still on the other plane. Just to make things more confusing, during the period of moving from the 4pm to the 5pm flight the broken 4pm flight had been fixed and had taken off. Was my suitcase on that flight, or had it been moved to the 5pm flight? No one could tell me.
The 5pm flight was then delayed until 6:00pm. This left just enough time to make the 7:30pm connection in Newark. Then at 6pm the plane sat on the runway for a further 1hr 20mins due to missing it’s takeoff slot. We eventually landed in Newark at 8:30pm, over 3 hours late. My 7:30pm connecting flight to Manchester had left at 8:25pm. To rub salt into the wounds, the 4pm flight that I was moved off landed at 7:45pm. At least my suitcase was (possibly) on the way to Manchester.
Customers with connections were told to go to United Airlines customer services at Newark to arrange alternative flights. The desk was staffed by two of the worst human beings imaginable in this scenario. A duet of agressively misanthropic, highly smug and painfully inefficient customer service staff. ‘Trains, Planes and Automobiles’ sprang to mind, as well as the inept receptionist on The Day Today’s ‘The Pool’ (see video below) and Little Britain’s ‘Computer says no’ character.
The United staff were unapologetic, unhelpful and rude. As our conversation progressed they became increasingly hostile, and even seemed to enjoy the experience. They did that repulsive thing of talking to me by loudly shouting to each other so I would overhear. With approximately 30 people waiting in line they suggested the possibility of closing the desk for a break. They also wondered how I fancied travelling home ‘via Pakistan’. It’s surprising they didn’t cough and blow it in my face.
The dream team delighted in announcing that I faced a 5 hour wait before flying home with Lufthansa via Frankfurt. It was apparently also hilarious to say there was a flight to London in 1 hour, but they wouldn’t book me on it. (They said wouldn’t, not couldn’t). The main reason seemed to be that the suffering of others was their sustenance. Being vaguely helpful or kind would have caused them to shrivel up and die.
When the location of my suitcase was enquired about they actually screamed with laughter and suggested loudly to each other that there was no way of knowing what flight it was on, but that maybe the baggage handlers would “have a bit of fun with his things”. Bizarrely the abuse was never said directly to me. Perhaps they were keen viewers of BBC Parliament TV’s house of commons debates?
Whilst trudging off to spend 5 hours killing time the man next in line came forward to the desk and opened with “why can’t you open two desks instead of both being on one. There’s a long line of people here.” Wow. Big mistake. They gave him one of the most hateful and disdainful looks imaginable before turning to say to each other “maybe this guy should have run faster to make his flight instead of moaning about how many desks are open”. The poor soul is probably still waiting for a connecting flight in Islamabad.
As soon as Lufthansa were responsible for my destiny things improved. They were helpful, courteous and efficient. The shiny new Airbus A340 left on time. On ascent, whilst sipping a complimentary wine, the Manhattan night skyline lifted my spirits.
The unplanned trip to Frankfurt had some benefits
The 4 hour wait in Frankfurt wasn’t ideal, but the rest of the trip was pleasantly uneventful. I arrived home almost exactly 24 hours after being dropped off at Raleigh airport.
Despite my suitcase spending an extra couple of days in New York to take in a show and ‘really do the tourist thing’ we were reunited the following day.
United Airlines have joined Ryan Air on the blacklist. And it seems they are on a lot of other people’s too. There are a number of anti-United websites such as www.untied.com chronicling the staggering and consistent ineptitude that passengers have endured.
