I’ve eaten well over the last few months. My office has a regular supply of sweet treats and the canteen menu doesn’t stray too far from fish and chips, curry and quiche. On joining the company (just under a year ago) colleagues warned me that most people put on a stone in their first year. After 10 months I had piled on 9lbs.

So on 1st March I set myself the unenviable challenge of getting back to my ‘fighting weight’ of 12st.  The deadline for this milestone was the day our flight departed for a week in the sun – 24 days later. That gave me just over 3 weeks to drop 9lbs.

The first piece of the jigsaw was to cut back on my drinking. Recently midweek tipples have crept in more and more. Particularly a whiskey or two after work. Aside from the desire to lose weight, this was a habit that needed breaking because needing a drink to unwind every night is not good.

It was tricky to cut back on alcohol at first, but as time passed the craving diminished until it didn’t even occur to me to drink during the week. In fact throughout March booze has almost been entirely off the menu – aside from a couple of glasses of wine and one solid drinking session, just to keep my eye in.

Next came the diet. This was the hardest part because I really love eating. Out with lovely stodgy carbs, huge lunches and endless snacks. In with porridge, muesli, protein shakes, lean meat, fish, salads, fresh veg and a desk draw full of dried fruit and raw nuts. It was torture at first. The feeling of hunger was ever-present, but over time it has got a little easier. As with booze it’s important to have cheat days and the odd splurge, otherwise what’s the point of being alive?

Lastly the exercise. Having maintained a reasonable level of fitness for the last few years the challenge was to take it up a notch. So I set out a clear plan and stuck rigidly to it. Hours of steady state cardio is boring, inefficient and time consuming. So my regime was based around 6 very intense 1 hour sessions per week. Cardio was covered by two or three league games of squash and two cardio gym sessions of either spinning, swimming or heavy bag sparring and skipping.

A key component of the regime was four strength training sessions per week. They change every couple of weeks, but are broadly based on:

• Back/biceps – Pull ups, chin ups, reverse fly, seated row, bicep curls, preacher curls.
• Chest/triceps – Dumbbell press, dumbbell fly, dips, cable fly, triceps extension, press ups, bastards.
• Lower body – Squats, dumbbell squat into shoulder press, leg press, calf raise, jumping lunge.
• Abs/core – TRX jack knife (see video below), crunches, decline crunches,  medicine ball crunches, cable woodcutters, plank.

In total the regime so far has involved 6 days training in a row with Mondays as rest.

It is unquestionably tough (both physically and mentally) to push the body to an intense place 6 days in a row, especially when you’re the wrong side of 30. The hardest part is dragging yourself to the gym when still sore from the previous day’s exertions. But after doing it for 24 days I’m feeling unbelievably focused and really enjoying it.

Starting to see my body change was also a great motivator. Since 1st March I’ve toned up and generally feel leaner and sharper. It would be great to keep it going and see how fit I can get.

On Saturday (24 hours before heading away on holiday) the scales read 12st 1lb. So Saturday’s gym session was a particularly intense one. But it paid dividends and by d-day on 24th March the scales read 12st exactly. The target was hit! A 9lb loss in 24 days.

More importantly, getting in shape has made me feel great! I’m full of energy, in a good mood most of the time and feel very focused. It’s an addictive feeling.

April is bringing three stag weekends (including my own) so it’s likely there will be a few steps back, but inbetween all the frivolities there will be plenty of hard yakka.

Poliça came onto my radar because the band includes two members of Gayngs (vocalist Channy Leaneagh and producer Ryan Olson) whose 2010 album Relayted was one of my favourites of the year. Bon Iver’s Mike Noyce has also done some vocals on the album.

Not dissimilar to Gayngs, the album has a retro tinged ethereal dream like quality. it serves up deep penetrating bass and a smattering of thunderous drums. The blend of anger and serenity is sublime.

Check out the wonderfully hypnotic Lay Your Cards Out. The video is conveniently located just 0.5cm below these words.

The label’s sound is hard to describe, but i’ll go with ‘spaced out neo Italo-disco noir’. It’s like Shoegaze, house and Italo-disco had a ménage à trois while punk was in the corner watching.

Even the album art is a thing of serene beauty. On the right is the cover for Chromatics’ album Night Drive. Look how good it is! Most of the other album art on I.D.I.B. looks this sharp too.

In 2011 Desire and Chromatics both features on the Drive soundtrack. The dreamy, fairytale like quality of Under Your Spell and the hypnotically intense Tick Of The Clock both fit the film perfectly.

The label’s next release, which is likely to be the Chromatics album Kill For Love, has been due out since January. Although singles are sporadically being uploaded to YouTube, the album itself keeps getting delayed.

Some of my favourite I.D.I.B. tracks include:

Chromatics – Back From The Grave

Chromatics – Into The Black

(This is the best Neil Young cover I’ve ever heard!)

Glass Candy – Computer Love (Kraftwerk cover)

Glass Candy – Life After Sundown

Desire – Don’t Call

What happened to the 41 bands featured on the album? Let’s take a look at the bands from CD2.

Oasis
The band that defined UK music in the 1990′s. Legions of loyal fans and huge album sales to match. They dominated the Britpop genre and continued to be a significant part of the music scene until an acrimonious split in 2009. Don’t Look Back In Anger was Oasis at their commercial peak. For me it was 1994′s Definitely Maybe that soared the highest. The raw, rampant energy and blistering guitar riffs of Oasis’ first album was never matched once their sound became more produced and ‘bigger’.

Pulp
Pulp are a funny one. It is obvious how huge they were, and 1995′s Different Class is widely considered to be a seminal album. But their music never really resonated with me and I’m apathetic towards the band and the track Sorted For E’s & Whizz. Pulp haven’t made new music since 2001, but are now back together. Jarvis Cocker also presents an excellent radio show on BBC 6 Music.

Menswear
One of the random indie bands that vanished along with Britpop. Their track Being Brave is a dreary and uninspiring one that just about has a catchy enough chorus to have been a success. They folded after their second album flopped in 1997. Guitarist Simon White did pretty well though, going on to manage Bloc Party, Hudson Mohawke, Cassius, Digitalism and Phoenix.

Radiohead
They transcended the indie genre, and even before Britpop had faded they were already evolving their sound beyond it. All eight of their albums are surprising, exciting and moving but The Bends, OK Computer and In Rainbows are timeless greats. It was Fake Plastic Trees that featured on Shine 5, but almost any song from their 1995 masterpiece could have been included. Happily they are still going strong and are planning to tour in 2012. I hope to attend.

Gene
Gene were the darlings of NME and Melody Maker in 1995 and did manage to produce some reasonable indie songs with the requisite catchy chorus to jump up and down to, as Sleep Well Tonight testifies. Lead singer Martin Rossiter was a bit of a celebrity for a while. He gained some notoriety for headbutting Dennis Pennis creator Paul Kaye after an escalating dispute. The band eventually faded with the scene and folded in 2004 after declining sales.

Suede
One of the highest profile bands of the indie scene, Suede backed up their fame with fantastically orignal music. Guitarist Bernard Butler left during their peak, but this didn’t stop Suede going on to produce one of my favourite albums of the 90s – Coming Up. Their first three albums were all very good, but 1994′s Dog Man Star is considered their masterpiece. It was one of the album’s singles The Wild Ones that featured on Shine 5. Suede are still going, but it’s safe to say they are passed their best.

Northern Uproar
The epitome of generic indie music, this forgetful band predictably folded in 1998. Town isn’t an awful song, but it’s totally uninspiring. The band surprisingly made a comeback in 2007 and are still going today, mainly playing at ‘Britpop nostalgia’ gigs.

The Stone Roses
The band that started it all. Oasis tried to emulate them and even early Blur didn’t sound a million miles away. With just one album in 1989 they laid the foundations for a whole new UK music scene. Virtually all their songs are seminal, but it was One Love that Shine 5 featured. The long-awaited reunion is finally on. 2012 will see The Stone Roses play live again.

Mansun
Despite seeing a couple of quite poor gigs I really liked Mansun. Attack of the Grey Lantern was their big selling indie release. It included the singles Wide Open Space, Stripper Vicar and and Take It Easy Chicken. But their 1998 album Six is arguably a more interesting and complex record. Mansun’s next two albums didn’t fare as well and they disbanded in 2003. Mansun were another inspiration for late 90′s underground sensation ‘Inertia’ and the picture below shows us butchering playing Wide Open Space to another sell out crowd.

Lush
Initially a shoegaze band, Lush moved into Britpop as can be heard in the song Single Girl. Tragically it was the 1996 suicide of drummer Chris Acland that ultimately finished the band. After a long period of grieving, the band continued for a short time with a new drummer but then split up in early 1998. Bassist Phil King went on to play for The Jesus and Mary Chain.

Terrorvision
At the time I remember liking Perseverance by the Bradford based band. But it seems a little cartoonish now. Terrorvision are still going today and have made 7 albums over an 18 year career. Perhaps best known for their 1999 single Tequila.

Levellers
Levellers are a punk/folk band that have been going since 1988. Despite knowing little about them, I’m assured by a friend who is a fan that Hope Street is not one of their better songs. Levellers have made 13 albums and are still regularly touring.

60ft Dolls
Active from 1993 – 1998, 60ft Dolls were hardcore/grunge inspired and only produced two albums. Talk To Me is not a bad rock/indie song and they were also a decent live act. The band recorded two sessions for John Peel’s BBC Radio 1 show, in 1996 and 1998, and appear in the top 125 Peel sessions of all time.

Audioweb
One of the most interesting bands to appear on the album. Audioweb found success as a rock/reggae/electronica band in an era that was all about indie guitar music. They only made two albums but some of their output such as Into My World and Policeman Skank was refreshingly unique. Their music seems so out of place on this album, but I’m glad they were on it or I might never have heard of them. Since the band split bassist Sean McCann has played for Ian Brown and Badly Drawn Boy, Robert Maxfield has drummed for Ian Brown, guitarist Robin File has been working with Finley Quaye and singer Martin Merchant is the vocalist on the theme tune for ‘Rastamouse’!

Eggman
This side project by the Boo Radleys singer/guitarist Sice Rowbottom produced just one album, First Fruits. Not Bad Enough is a delightfully mellow and autumnal song that makes me want to track down the entire album. After the Boo Radleys split in 1999 Rowbottom walked away from music for several years. He eventually went on to form a new band called Paperlung.

Whipping Boy
Whipping Boy are an Irish band who have been active since 1988 and released three albums. They split in 1998 but briefly came back in 2005. They officially reformed last year with a new lineup. Twinkle is a great song full of emotion and powerful driving guitar.

Folk Implosion
This was one of the random songs on the album that I really loved. I’d never heard of Folk Implosion when I bought Shine 5 and haven’t come across them since, but Natural One has got a soulful and slightly dark sound. It is years since I heard or even thought about this song and hearing it again transported me back to my teenage bedroom. The song was featured on the soundtrack to the 1995 film Kids, but does not appear in the film itself. The band was sporadically active until 2004 but since then has not been.

Salt
Swedish rockers Salt were pretty much a one hit wonder. Their grungy track Bluster was the only one of their singles that charted. But the song brings back great memories for the same reasons as Natural One. It was by far the heaviest rock song on Shine 5, and around this time my tastes began moving away from indie towards rock and metal. The song nicely bridged the two periods of my life. Salt appear to have disbanded after their 1997 follow-up album sold disappointingly.

Garbage
Garbage are one of the bands who were successful in the Britpop era but outlived it and are still doing well today. They have made 5 studio albums and 1995′s Queer is a solid single from the heyday of their success. Perhaps Manson’s biggest contribution to music is drummer Butch Vig’s production. He is responsible for producing some legendary albums such as Nirvana: Nevermind, The Smashing Pumpkins: Siamese Dream, Sonic Youth: Dirty and Foo Fighters: Wasting Light.

It has been great fun rediscovering these old tracks, many of which I have not listened to for well over a decade. Aside from how music has changed it’s apparent how much the format and accessibility also has. These days I would never dream of either buying a CD or buying any sort of compilation album. Is that because now I’m 31 not 16? Or is it just the changing times?

Shine 5 CD2 track listing

1. Oasis : Don’t Look Back In Anger
2. Pulp : Sorted For E’s & Whizz
3. Ash : Oh Yeah
4. Menswear : Being Brave
5. Radiohead : Fake Plastic Trees
6. Gene : Sleep Well Tonight
7. Suede : The Wild Ones
8. Northern Uproar : Town
9. Stone Roses : One Love
10. Mansun : Take It Easy Chicken
11. Lush : Single Girl
12. Terrorvision : Perseverance
13. Levellers : Hope St.
14. 60ft Dolls : Talk To Me
15. Audioweb : Into My World
16. Eggman : Not Bad Enough
17. Whipping Boy : Twinkle
18. Folk Implosion : Natural One
19. Salt : Bluster
20. Garbage : Queer

So what happened to the 41 bands featured on the album? Let’s take a look in two parts (one for each CD).

Ash
Ash were ‘the band’. In 1996 to me they were the greatest on the planet. I subscribed to the fanzine, bought all the singles (and limited edition Japanese imports), had the 6 foot giant poster, saw them live countless times and covered their songs in my band. ‘Goldfinger‘ and ‘Oh Yeah‘ both featured on Shine 5 and were also on the set list for ‘Inertia’ the band that took South Leeds by storm in 1998. One of our packed gigs is pictured below. I am the one playing guitar on the right with just awful, awful hair. Goldfinger and Oh Yeah bring back great memories, and 1977 is surely one of the Britpop era’s standout albums. Since then Ash have done reasonably well over the years but haven’t released a new album since 2007.

Shed 7
As well as being the defining quiz show of Henry Kelly’s career, Going For Gold was one of the better tracks by York indie rockers Shed 7. They produced some solid work with other highlights including Chasing Rainbows and Devil In Your Shoes. The band split after the boom of the 90′s, but have since reformed and are touring again. Drummer Alan Leach is a DJ on the wedding and office Christmas party circuit in York (we tried to book him for our office party).

Dodgy
More famous for Staying Out for the Summer, If You’re Thinking of Me, and Good Enough, it was Dodgy’s In A Room that featured on Shine 5. It’s a song that now seems very dated. These days listening to an untuned radio is preferable to Dodgy. The band define themselves as ‘power pop’ and the genre must be going strong because the band still seem to be. They continue to headline smaller festivals and this year released their first new album in 11 years.

Longpigs
One of the ‘heavier’ tracks from the album, She Said still sounds like a great song. But it is hard to remember Longpigs being a great band. None of their other output springs to mind apart from their other standout single Lost Myself. After being reliably informed by friends that their 1996 album ‘The Sun Is Often Out’ is a highlight of the era, perhaps it’s time for a proper re-listen. Longpigs disbanded after the failure of their second album in 1999. But Richard Hawley went on to be very successful with Pulp and his solo career.

The Cranberries
Despite creating some great songs over the years such as Zombie, it was the frankly horrible Salvation that featured on Shine 5. It just isn’t a nice collection of sounds. The Cranberries were never really a Britpop band, and despite a 4 year hiatus have had continued success over the years.

Kula Shaker
At times maligned for being ‘rich kids’ when being working class was fashionable, Kula Shaker were one of my favourite bands of the indie era. Their psychedelic tendencies, energy and superb guitar riffs made them stand out from the 90′s crowd. Grateful When You’re Dead is a typical example of their work. They never matched the huge success of 1996′s K and this combined with bizarre links to Nazism led to the band’s demise. A shame.

Paul Weller
Out Of The Sinking was Weller’s track on Shine 5. He is so boring I can’t be arsed to write anything else about him.

Ocean Colour Scene
God I hated this band. Having just listened to The Day We Caught The Train for the first time in years it is still ball achingly shit. I couldn’t give a solitary fuck what OCS are up to now. Sorry if you do. Just Google them.

Skunk Anansie
An interesting band who are unique for describing themselves as “clit-rock”. It’s somewhat surprising that their grunge tinged rock featured in the Shine series. I hadn’t listened to Charity for years, but it’s a good track with Chili Pepperesque elements. The band is still plugging away with new music and touring. The clit-rock scene is obviously alive and well.

Cast
Another band that used to annoy me. But to be fair, whilst Shine 5′s History is not their best work they did one or two OK tracks such as Walk Away and Alright. They were also supposedly incredible live, which I can’t confirm or deny. They tried to outlive Britpop by ‘adding beats and samples’ to their work, but it didn’t do the trick and they split in 2000. They have recently reformed though.

Blur
Along with Radiohead one of the British bands that I really regret not having yet seen live. Blur also provided the 1990′s most underrated band ‘Inertia’ with some of their live material. Stereotypes is one of my least favourite Blur songs, but they are without doubt one of the UK’s best bands of the last 20 years. No Distance Left to Run is perhaps the most beautiful British song of the 90s.

The Divine Comedy
How can you not love this band? They are intelligent, funny and entirely unique. Something For The Weekend is foot tappingly uplifting and it even makes you laugh. The cheeky opening 10 seconds of the track are strangely hilarious. Lead singer/songwriter Neil Hannon is the only constant member of the band, but they are still touring and producing new music. Their last album, 2010′s Bang Goes the Knighthood reached an impressive number 20 in the UK charts. And Neil Hannon recently won Celebrity Mastermind.

Space
The Female Of The Species is a fun and quirky Britpop track clearly inspired by the 60s sound. But it’s now quite dated. Space’s 1996 album Spiders went platinum in the UK and then followed a gradual decline as Britpop faded. They split in 2005. Their fate is possibly the most typical of a Britpop band after the 90s.

Super Furry Animals
A great band who have had a long and varied career. Again, never really an indie band per se they have a sound all of their own. Something For The Weekend is an OK track, but they would go on to make the absolutely superb album Rings Around The World in 2001. The Super Furrys have released 9 albums in total and are still going strong. Their last album, 2009′s Dark Days/Light Years is a beauty.

Supergrass
What a good band they were. I saw them live 3 or 4 times in the 90s and they were always immense. Going Out is a typically catchy Britpop track, but their best work for me was some of the other tracks on the same album such as Richard III and Late In The Day. Their sound was always interesting and evolving but they split in 2010 sadly. Interestingly, drummer Danny Goffey had appeared as the crazy train guy in the 1990 supernatural romance flick Ghost (pic right).

Marion
Remember Marion? Remember their song Sleep? No? Me neither. They split post Britpop but have reformed recently. Yay.

Sleeper
Sleeper were indie. They reeked of it. The It Girl was an album that everyone cool seemed to have in 1996. Their songs are great catchy indie pop and Inbetweener is as good as any of them. The band split in 1998 following the demise of Britpop. Singer Louise Wener went on to have a successful career as a novelist.

Having recently been involved in a debate to rank the attractiveness of the Britpop super chicks – Louise from Sleeper or Sonja from Echobelly  – I’m afraid to say that Louise, you lost.

Booth & The Bad Angel
The song I Believe sounds like James. A lot. Ah, that’s because it was Tim Booth’s side project. It also featured Bernard Butler on guitar. It’s a pretty good tune. Not much more happened with Booth & The Bad Angel as the members went back to their respective bands after this release.

Blameless
I simply have no memory of the band ‘Blameless’. Possibly because Breathe (A Little Deeper) is such a generic, forgetful song. This single was the struggling band’s last hurrah and they separated shortly after.

Gin Blossoms
A rare appearance for an American band on Shine 5, with Follow You Down. This is a track I hadn’t heard for so long that listening to it again brought back good memories. But it’s not actually verygood. It’s formulaic 90s background noise. The band split in 1997, but reformed 10 years later and are now still active.

The Cardigans
As a 16 year old my main reason for liking The Cardigans was their insanely beautiful Swedish lead singer Nina Persson. Rise And Shine is a horribly dreary song, but they went on to great things courtesy of Lovefool, Erase/Rewind and My Favourite Game. They have been on hiatus since 2007 but a reunion is possibly happening soon.

Wannadies
Another Swedish band finished off CD1. I can’t name any Wannadies songs other than You And Me Song, but it is a beauty. It still sounds as exciting and emotional today as it did in 1996. A friend of mine who worked at a bar in London during the late 90s got chatting to the band one night and it led to a 3 day drugs bender in North London. It didn’t do much for their careers though. They lost their record deal and despite soldiering on for a while the band eventually called it a day in 2009

Shine 5 CD1 track listing

1. Ash : Goldfinger
2. Shed Seven : Going For Gold
3. Dodgy : In A Room
4. Longpigs : She Said
5. Cranberries : Salvation
6. Kula Shaker : Grateful When You’re Dead
7. Paul Weller : Out Of The Sinking
8. Ocean Colour Scene : The Day We Caught The Train
9. Skunk Anansie : Charity
10. Cast : History
11. Blur : Stereotypes
12. The Divine Comedy : Something For The Weekend
13. Space : Female Of The Species
14. Super Furry Animals : Something 4 The Weekend
15. Supergrass : Going Out
16. Marion : Sleep
17. Sleeper : Inbetweener
18. Booth & The Bad Angel : I Believe
19. Blameless : Breathe (A Little Deeper)
20. Gin Blossoms : Follow You Down
21. Cardigans : Rise And Shine
22. Wannadies : You And Me Song

Continued in part 2 looking at the bands on CD2….

The official video is

But even better than the original is this incredible cover by Canadain band Walk Off The Earth. It’s AMAZING!

The bloke on the far right needs to raise his game. He’s not really contributing.

Located in the epicentre of Leeds’ fashionable Call Lane, recently refurbed Jake’s Bar distills bespoke spirits in its own Still. Impressive cocktails abound including the Yorkshire Tea infused ‘White Rose’ and ‘A Salt With A Deadly Pepper’ (both £7). Despite being very much about the drinks, Jake’s food isn’t too shabby either with delightful locally sourced treats such as sliced ox heart (£4.95), hot brie fondue (£4.95) and high-class pork scratchings (£2.95) that put Mr Porky’s to shame. Mains are based around sharing platters such as the ‘Roast beef, home roasted gammon, pate and pork pie’ (£6.95).

Call Lane, Leeds LS1. www.jakesbar.co.uk

Work commitments required me to spend a couple of days in Washington DC before heading down to Raleigh, North Carolina.

Despite having my wallet stolen on the first night of the trip, the week was a productive and enjoyable one. By Friday I was sorry to be leaving the US and hoped the journey home would be smooth. Yeah….

My flight from Raleigh to Newark (for a 7:30pm connection to Manchester) was due to leave at 5pm. After arriving at the airport for 3pm United Airlines informed me that I had been put on the 4pm flight instead. After a long wait on the tarmac the pilot announced that the plane was broken but that he would try turning it off and then on again. He must have previously worked in IT. It didn’t work. The passengers were told to ‘de-plane’.

Meanwhile the 5pm flight (that I did not ask to be moved from) was now ‘sold out’. An angry exchange ensued and miraculously a seat was found for me. However, my suitcase was still on the other plane. Just to make things more confusing, during the period of moving from the 4pm to the 5pm flight the broken 4pm flight had been fixed and had taken off. Was my suitcase on that flight, or had it been moved to the 5pm flight? No one could tell me.

The 5pm flight was then delayed until 6:00pm. This left just enough time to make the 7:30pm connection in Newark. Then at 6pm the plane sat on the runway for a further 1hr 20mins due to missing it’s takeoff slot. We eventually landed in Newark at 8:30pm, over 3 hours late. My 7:30pm connecting flight to Manchester had left at 8:25pm. To rub salt into the wounds, the 4pm flight that I was moved off landed at 7:45pm. At least my suitcase was (possibly) on the way to Manchester.

Customers with connections were told to go to United Airlines customer services at Newark to arrange alternative flights. The desk was staffed by two of the worst human beings imaginable in this scenario. A duet of agressively misanthropic, highly smug and painfully inefficient customer service staff. ‘Trains, Planes and Automobiles’ sprang to mind, as well as the inept receptionist on The Day Today’s ‘The Pool’ (see video below) and Little Britain’s ‘Computer says no’ character.

The United staff were unapologetic, unhelpful and rude. As our conversation progressed they became increasingly hostile, and even seemed to enjoy the experience. They did that repulsive thing of talking to me by loudly shouting to each other so I would overhear. With approximately 30 people waiting in line they suggested the possibility of closing the desk for a break. They also wondered how I fancied travelling home ‘via Pakistan’. It’s surprising they didn’t cough and blow it in my face.

The dream team delighted in announcing that I faced a 5 hour wait before flying home with Lufthansa via Frankfurt. It was apparently also hilarious to say there was a flight to London in 1 hour, but they wouldn’t book me on it. (They said wouldn’t, not couldn’t). The main reason seemed to be that the suffering of others was their sustenance. Being vaguely helpful or kind would have caused them to shrivel up and die.

When the location of my suitcase was enquired about they actually screamed with laughter and suggested loudly to each other that there was no way of knowing what flight it was on, but that maybe the baggage handlers would “have a bit of fun with his things”. Bizarrely the abuse was never said directly to me. Perhaps they were keen viewers of BBC Parliament TV’s house of commons debates?

Whilst trudging off to spend 5 hours killing time the man next in line came forward to the desk and opened with “why can’t you open two desks instead of both being on one. There’s a long line of people here.” Wow. Big mistake. They gave him one of the most hateful and disdainful looks imaginable before turning to say to each other “maybe this guy should have run faster to make his flight instead of moaning about how many desks are open”. The poor soul is probably still waiting for a connecting flight in Islamabad.

As soon as Lufthansa were responsible for my destiny things improved. They were helpful, courteous and efficient. The shiny new Airbus A340 left on time. On ascent, whilst sipping a complimentary wine, the Manhattan night skyline lifted my spirits.

The unplanned trip to Frankfurt had some benefits

The 4 hour wait in Frankfurt wasn’t ideal, but the rest of the trip was pleasantly uneventful. I arrived home almost exactly 24 hours after being dropped off at Raleigh airport.

Despite my suitcase spending an extra couple of days in New York to take in a show and ‘really do the tourist thing’ we were reunited the following day.

United Airlines have joined Ryan Air on the blacklist. And it seems they are on a lot of other people’s too. There are a number of anti-United websites such as www.untied.com chronicling the staggering and consistent ineptitude that passengers have endured.

As the game began we were divided into teams of 6, given a map with grid references and released at 5 minute intervals. All we knew initially was that there had been a zombie apocalypse, we must find the resistance and avoid the zombies. If caught by a zombie we would either be ‘infected’ (marked with a UV pen) or if we were lucky we’d stay virus free. When HQ was reached at the end of the game the resistance would check us for infection.

When we found our first ‘survivor’ she tearfully told us (with genuine acting ability) that there were not many survivors left and to get to a house on Woodhouse Lane. We set off towards the address and on the way found ourselves in an underground car park. In the distance we heard screaming. Suddenly 6 grown adults became very tense as we saw the unmistakable leg dragging gait of the undead. Dressed in surgical scrubs and covered in blood they came towards us. We sprinted off, thankfully making it to the main road. It gave us a huge adrenaline rush and prepared us for what was to come.

We arrived at the address on Woodhouse Lane to find an old man with a walking stick shouting next to a pool of blood, with chunks in it. He told us that his granddaughter had been infected and he had to keep her locked in the house. We turned around, and saw a girl in the house burst toward the window and vomit blood over the glass. It was so well executed that the ‘normal’ people at the bus stop looked pretty disturbed by proceedings. We were told to find an abandoned car on Calverley Street that was broadcasting a resistance radio message.

We got to the blood covered car to find a girl collapsed, surrounded by people. Confusion ensued. Everyone thought it was part of the game, but it turned out she had genuinely fainted. The medics arrived, so we got the next location and pressed on.

On route we crossed Millennium Square. Suddenly 3 zombies appeared and ran towards us, splitting the group. They were fast and I had to move flat out to get away. You haven’t ever sprinted until it’s from a screaming, blood thirsty zombie.

Next we entered a deserted shopping centre. The ground floor was crawling with zombies. We had been told to get to the first floor to find the resistance. It seemed impossible because every time we got near to the escalator they came for us. After 10 intense minutes of trying to get past we found the back steps. Upstairs we found a survivor clutching a severed leg, crying. She refused to believe we were not infected and would only help us if we brought her food. The food was back downstairs, near the zombies. We sprinted down the escalator, grabbed a handful of sweets as 3 zombies ran at us. We just made it back unscathed.

The survivor took the food and gave us details of the next location. A resistance cell in Kirkgate Market.

As we headed out 2 zombies pounced, forcing us to head out of the fire doors. Once outside it was apparent that we’d been ambushed. We were surrounded by 5 zombies. A long chase ensued but we all made it.

Our team headed to the market, but the non-stop sprinting had taken its toll. We were seriously shattered. As we walked into Leeds’ deserted and dark Victorian market things felt very eerie. A zombie immediately jumped out on us from the shadows and we pegged it away. But Helen took a huge tumble, falling at full sprint and injuring her hand. She was in serious pain. As we waited for the medics to arrive the zombie came over to us and said “Bloody hell I’m sorry love. I was just meant to make you run down there towards the butchers”. Helen was out of the game and had to go with Andy to A&E for an xray. It was gutting that she had to quit, but how many people can say that a zombie has apologised to them?

Our depleted team carried on. We were summoned into the butchers by a crazy axe wielding maniac. There were human body parts hanging on meathooks all around us. It was like being in the Texas Chainsaw Masacre. He told us about the resistance whilst chomping on chunks of raw meat. Once he’d given us the next location came the threat of decapitation and mutilation. He chased us out with a power drill. As we left the market more zombies appeared. People all around us were being infected. But some how we got away.

We headed for Holy Trinity Church and once inside found a priest chained to the wall. Although behaving oddly, he initially seemed OK. Then he called us in closer and suddenly leapt towards us, screaming with infected rage. He grabbed Becky and pinning her to the wall. She did well not to completely lose it. The priest had been infected, but was not yet fully turned. He eventually released Becky and we got him to tell us the next location: The Dark Arches.

At the Dark Arches we found another survivor who traded us information for cigarettes (good job one of our team was a smoker). He told us where HQ was, but also said it was surrounded by a terrifying ‘zombie horde’. Things were building to the climax.

We made our way to resistance HQ on Marshall Street. It was an abandoned warehouse, teeming with the undead. No matter what angle of approach we tried zombies cut us off. There were 40 or 50, on all sides of the building. It became chaotic, the team got separated and I saw Becky get captured and infected. I made a desperate run for it, side stepping 6 or 7 zombies. But I was eventually overwhelmed.

We stumbled into HQ, beyond exhausted. We were sent to decontamination. A team of survivors in radiation suits and gas masks ushered us through airport security style detectors. There were UV lights that showed up if we were infected or not. Becky set the alarm off and was taken away. I was deemed clean, congratulated and sent down to the warehouse party. I had got away with it! Becky emerged 15 minutes later made up as a zombie. As the party filled up it became clear who were survivors and who were infected.

What a night. It would have been so easy for the game to have been a bit rubbish, but I can’t speak highly enough of the quality of execution. The actors, plot, props and organisation were all amazing. We spent 2.8 hours lost in the story. Exhausted, exhilarated and terrified.

The game was sold out for all 3 nights in Leeds. It has already taken place in Bristol and is soon coming to London. I can’t recommend it highly enough. For £25 you get an epic workout (I’m struggling to walk today) and a superb evening’s entertainment.

For more information see www.2.8hourslater.com or check out the trailer for the event below.

The trouble with today’s revelation is that it completely goes against causality and Einstein’s special theory of relativity, which states that faster than light travel is simply not possible. A key part of Einstein’s 1905 theory is that as an object’s speed approaches the speed of light, its mass appears to increase. This makes it more and more difficult to accelerate. So in other words as an object approaches the speed of light it gets heavier and slows down. Only photons (i.e light) with 0 mass can achieve the 671 million miles per hour mark, and nothing can exceed it.

The scientists at CERN created some neutrinos in Geneva, then they fired the particles over to a detector in Italy where they were recorded. If you divide the distance between those two points by the time it takes for the neutrinos to get there, the result is the their speed. The results showed that the neutrinos got to their destination around 60 nanoseconds before a proton would have.

So how the hell have these guys broken what we thought were the laws of the universe? Well they probably haven’t. Carl Sagan said that “extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.” It is much more likely that there has been a miscalculation in their measurements. When dealing with such tiny amounts of time as 60 nanoseconds it is very easy to get it wrong. Photons travel 30 centimeters in 1 nanosecond, so the distance between the points being measured has to be accurate within 3 meters. The scientists have said that they used GPS to measure the distances. But anyone who has used a satnav knows that you occassionally end up in a layby in Catterick by accident. No? Just me then.

What is more likely? That the laws of the universe are entirely different to how the world’s greatest ever genius’ have proved, or that a GPS was 3 metres off in an experiment. The scientists who conducted the tests are presenting the results tomorrow at CERN. We may find out more then.

Wouldn’t it be cool if it was true though? For any science fiction fan faster than light travel holds the key to visiting far off planets, travelling through time and being able to credibly say “these aren’t the droids you’re looking for”. But, until these new findings become clearer it probably still isn’t possible to make the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs.